Hey Guys,
I received a very, very good email from a long time subscriber regarding why many men have so many problems with women.
My reply is, admittedly, a long one, but well worth reading. What the email describes is a deep running cultural problem men have got to find a solution to.
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What if everything you ever thought you knew about dating and relationships was just plain wrong? Would you keep doing the same things and getting the same results? Or would you try something new and radically different? To stop dating, and
start living, go to http://www.johnalanis.com/ultimate_system.htm before this site is removed.
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John—
One of my friends wrote a blog where a guy confessed to this to her:
“This is going to be the closest thing to the truth you’ve ever heard about dudes: Every guy is born a nice guy that wants to meet a girl and fall in love. Somewhere along the way, one girl (just one) who he thinks is perfect for him, that he opens up to, buys flowers for, pulls chairs out for — all that good stuff guys do at age 21 – 29 to get a girl in the sack… only this time he wasn’t trying to get in bed–he was for real. That girl f@#$ed him up – cheated on him, dumped him for some d-bag she hooked up with the next day, rejected him with no explanation–any of these plus hundreds of other possibilities. The only thing that matters is somehow she broke his heart and made it look like she didn’t care because girls, as I’m sure you know, can be heartless bitches at times. I stress ‘at times’, because they aren’t by nature but do it maybe once or twice. Guys have a hard time forgetting those one or two times, and girls just tend to be a hell of a lot more forgiving for the sake of a relationship. For a guy, it takes one girl to f@#$ it up. Once that one girl comes along, ‘home base’ is to be an a$$hole.”
She felt this was an epiphany and a deep insight into men and their inner workings. This guy sounds like he’s clearly full of crap to me, being mastered by his emotions. Sound right to you?
Regards,
Dominic S.
JA: Thanks for sharing this Dominic, because there’s a lot going on here. In a way, this guy is very, very right—this IS what happens, but the reason it happens has to do with social conditioning, with men being taught how the world should be instead of how it is.
I don’t think guys are born nice guys. They’re born with the potential to be attractive men, but along the way they get turned into nice guys. From birth until the present they’re exposed to all kinds of garbage in the media and school. They’re not taught how attraction really works, and they think that being a “nice guy” is the way to go.
We know it isn’t, and we know that being the typical “nice guy” (i.e. the sweet, sensitive pushover) is the best way to kill attraction. Most men don’t know this, though. All they know is what they’ve been taught by society, and when that blows up in their face, they blame women and not society.
See, the idea of everything you were ever taught about a subject being dead wrong is so far out of the realm of thought, that the automatic default is to blame the person—it is almost incomprehensible that everything we know is wrong.
And that’s the case here. The guy is making decisions about women based on very bad information—but the idea that the information is bad is beyond comprehension.
The guy you describe is reacting this way. The idea that what he’s been taught about women being wrong is so far out of his imagination, that he adopts the idea that women are cruel and heartless instead of the correct conclusion that everything he thought he knew was wrong.
This is, obviously, a huge problem in society. Myths about dating, women, and relationships are continually perpetuated by the media, therapists, counselors, professors and every other expert who can tell you 365 sexual positions but can’t get a date Saturday night.
The only solution is to think the unthinkable, push aside the social programming, and embrace the real world for how it is, not how we wish it to be.
In the above example, you guys who’ve been on the list awhile know the guy simply engaged in unattractive behavior, and got the utterly predictable result. Had he engaged in attractive behavior he would have gotten the opposite, yet still utterly predictable result.
The lesson is this: if you want to succeed in life, you have to set aside conventional wisdom, recognizing it will get you conventional results. The mass, mediocre majority is almost always wrong, and their results in life prove it.
Recognize social programming for what it is, then smash it. That’s the only way to get results in the real world.
On with the fun…
-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”
PS It’s the one big secret to attraction:
http://www.johnalanis.com/authority.htm
PPS Are you following me here?
http://www.johnalanis.com/follow.htm
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