Hey Guys,
There’s a lot of people in this world who love to “help” other people. Usually what their version of “help” is, is spending someone else’s money or resources on people in a worse situation than they are in order to make themselves feel important.
This is bad. Very bad. Why? Because it doesn’t truly help anyone, and it gives the “helper” a convenient excuse to avoid doing the hard, nasty things that can truly help people.
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If you want to truly help people, you have to first put yourself in a position to do so. That means you’ve gotten yourself squared away first, and have the personal time and the personal financial resources to do so.
When you do that, you discover two things. First off, it’s not easy to get yourself squared away. It takes a lot of dedication and effort, and you learn that someone giving you a meager handout and feeling good about it gets you nowhere.
Secondly, you learn what it really takes to motivate people, what it really takes to get them to take action and better their situation. Oftentimes, it’s not pleasant to do such things. Some people just don’t respond to pep talks, praise, and promise of reward.
The truth is, most people (including me) respond to a carrot and stick combination, and the stick is just not a pleasant (nor politically correct) thing to wield.
For example, right now, there are a lot of employees working for companies their fellow citizens have deemed unfit for business. The right thing to do, the way to really help these people, is to shut down these companies, and give the employees the opportunity to produce real value for their fellow citizens.
But that’s painful. And it’s not politically correct. And it’s very, very hard to do. In reality, though, it’s what helps. When people lose their jobs and income, all of a sudden they’re very motivated to replace them—and then they discover a resiliency and toughness they didn’t know they had.
But doing the hard thing doesn’t make the professional helper feel good. In fact, they feel bad because they often get a very negative reaction from the person they’re trying to help, and the last thing a professional helper wants is to feel bad.
Lookit, I am not against helping people at all—in fact, I help way more than I probably should. But I am for helping people in a way that actually helps them, not as a vehicle for self importance.
So, if you have a professional helper in your life, get away from them. And if you feel the urge to be a professional helper, quash it. Nothing wrong with truly helping people—but you have to be willing to bear the drama that comes with it.
On with the fun…
-John Alanis
“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”
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