When you have no time for her

Hey guys,

 

I received an excellent question from a man today, regarding how to keep a woman happy in a relationship where your career takes a lot of time.

 

The answer might surprise you—read it carefully.

 

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John – I follow your advice with great interest, so I wanted your opinion on how to maintain a relationship.  I’m sure I’m not the only man who has this problem, but I often have to work alot and I have to stay focused on my job.  There are stetches where I have to heavily concentrate on something job related.  During these times, I either don’t have the time or the energy to devote to keeping the attraction going all the time with a woman.  But those are the times when I need support and understanding from a woman, knowing that she understands why I can’t be the fun attractive guy all the time and is there to support me through these rough times.  It almost seems like as a guy, I have to do all the work with keeping the fires burning with a woman to maintain our relationship, but this is something that’s unrealistic because of everyday pressures and responsibilities.

 

I’ve read that many male soldiers returning from year-long tours of duty in Iraq or Afghanistan come home and discover that their wife/fiance/girlfriend has been cheating on them and that divorce rates among military families has been increasing.  Why don’t the women stand beside their partners and support them?  I’m not talking about all women, of course, but how can a guy be solely responsible for keeping a relationship going when he has other demands and responsibilities that don’t allow him to be the fun and authoritative guy all the time?

 

Jay

 

JA:  Thanks for the email, Jay.  The truth is, we may not like the biological rules, but we have to live by them. Many, many women DO stand besides their partners, but certainly some do not, and for a variety of reasons.

 

In your case, it comes down to initial selection.  One of your criteria is that the woman in your life understands you’ll be gone for periods of time, and is OK with that.  Some women are.  Some aren’t.  You’ve got to find one that is.

 

That being said, the most important gift you can give a woman is that which is most limited to you, and in your case, that’s your time.  What you need to do is actively set aside blocks of time where it’s you and her, with no interruptions.  It may be less time than other men have, but what’s important to her is you acknowledging she IS special by giving her the thing that is most precious to you.  When a woman knows you do this, she’ll generally stand by you.

 

In the end, however, what women want is a man who takes responsibility for, and leads in, the relationship.  It’s just how the world works.  What you have to do is figure out how to make it work for your circumstances.

 

On with the fun….

 

-John Alanis

“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

 

PS  Do you know the one big secret to attraction?  Discover it here, at:

 

http://www.johnalanis.com/authority.htm

 

 

 

PPS   Questions? Comments?  Email them to:  questions@johnalanis.com

 

 

 

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