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May 12, 2006

The truth about women and compliments

Hey guys,

Today, I'm going to clear up a misunderstanding. Many guys have mistaken what I say to mean you should never give women compliments, ever. This is NOT true at all, and the reason why is a very important building block in your understanding of women.

The same thing holds true with gifts, dinners, and other material things. I never said you should never give a woman such things. I give women compliments all the time, buy women gifts, even dinner and other material things. But I do it in a way that creates attraction.

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Here's what you need to know about women and compliments, gifts, etc: you never give a woman a compliment in order to "win her favor." You never buy her a gift so she'll "like you." In other words, you never do anything with the ulterior motive of, "if I do or say this, she'll like me."

If you give a woman a compliment in order to win her favor, you're being phony. Same thing with gifts--if you're giving her a gift so she'll like you- -or continue to like you--you're being phony... and phoniness KILLS attraction.

Now, if you're the type of guy who gives a woman a compliment because it's "who you are" then that's OK. If I see a woman in the gym who has a great body as a result of hard work, I'll tell her, "Hey, you look great--I can tell you earned it by hard work. That's good." Why do I do this? Because it's who I am-- a guy who appreciates people who work hard and get results.

I don't look at a woman and say, "gee, what kind of compliment can I give her so she'll like me because women like compliments, and I really want her to like me." This is wussiness, and the total opposite of defining authority. If I look at a woman, and I feel like complimenting her, I do so... with NO ulterior motive hatsoever.

Same things with gifts. If I'm out, and I see something and think to myself, "hey, that's pretty cool, I'll bet she'd like that" then I buy it and give it to her, with no expectation of reciprocity. It's just who I am.

That's the whole key here. Women hate phony compliments and "please like me" gifts, but they love being around a strong, authority defining man... and a compliment from a man like this is genuine and appreciated, with no expectations.

That's how you compliment a woman--or anyone for that matter.

By the way, what's better than being with a woman who gives you a reason to compliment her? Attracting women like this... see http://www.effortlesscommunication.com/enter.htm )

On with the fun--

-John Alanis
The King of Let 'em Come to You

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Posted by john at 12:43 PM