-S. Daniel, Real Estate Broker
Denver, CO
-J. Turner, Webmaster
Austin, TX
-Robert O., Marketing Consultant
Toronto, Canada
I had purchased your E-book a couple of months ago, and let me tell you, it's truly a God-send! What I love about your instructions is they are very open-ended in how one can implement your techniques. One doesn't have to worry about "Oh shit, am I doing what such and such page instructed me to do correctly?!" - it beautifully managed to conjure up a bigger, practical "what to do" picture by the time I was finished reading it that, frankly, I doubt few other e-books on the matter will be able to pull off in their readers' minds. Needless to say, my results with women have been pretty amazing! The "smile your way through" technique alone is incredibly effective. Definitely smacks of the good ol' "small hinges turn big doors" maxim, and does so beautifully! It amazing how it's small things like this most of us men take for granted, instead trying desperately to put up some fake Al Pacinoesque or Johnny Depp look to attract women (and for the record, two gorgeous ladies I know of like neither of these actors :)! Most importantly, what I REALLY appreciate about your ebook is that the methods you implement can cater for men coming from ALL backgrounds - whether they are your average "free spirited" schmoe in the street, or even religious, spiritually inclined types such as myself. You may find this funny, but to be perfectly honest, before purchasing your product, I went through some trepidation before buying it, thinking it was wholly based on "best ways to flirt with women" in bars and so on - a practice that's strongly shunned by the culture I was brought up in. But upon finishing your book, I realized there are some fundamental truths about male / female dynamics that NO one in their right state of mind can deny... and us "religious" freaks have this thing for "truism" :) haha Once again, thank you very much for this awesome e-book. Two more semesters, and I'll be done with college - so, no more tuition fees! Which means you'll be looking forward to having at least ONE person purchase your Deluxe offer from my neck of the woods ;)"
Sincerely,
Arman
Click here to discover how you can get desirable women to approach you first, just like these smart guys did!
January 12, 2007
Does online dating really work?
Attraction is a subject that tends to lend itself to overthinking. As men, we like logical answers to logical things--but attraction is not logical at all. It does have a structure, but it's not logical.
In today's episode I received an email from a man who's doing a bit of overthinking. Nothing wrong with asking good questions, of course, but when it comes to attraction you'll always find the best way to get answers (and results) is to take action and see what happens.
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Hello John,
After reading a number of your articles and implementing a few of your techniques, I would agree that establishing personal authority is by far the most important criterion for determining success while interacting with women. However, it seems to me that your on-line dating theories contradict that fundamental premise.
First, by placing an on-line profile, no matter how well crafted, instantly confers authority to any woman who prefers to question a man's authenticity without his ability to overcome her defensiveness with spontaneous banter and adaptations to body language, merely providing the woman another excuse not to respond. By default, her pretentions reinforce her sense of control and perceived worthiness while validating her status as "highly selective", when in fact, it is simply impossible to overcome her flakiness without a more powerful personal interaction.
Second, feel free to read the majority of women's profiles, and they all read similar to the following, "I am looking for a fun, confident, yet sensitive guy who is willing to be friends first and then see what develops, who is respectful of his friends and family, and who is willing to go out of his way for the woman he adores for an exclusive, caring relationship, while having a balanced life of his own." This prototye may best summarize the female dating psyche and its inherent contradictions. While these characteristics seem admirable, many inspire the wuss mentality rather than an uncontrollable, spontaneous attraction that encourages the woman to pursue a man's assumed nobler qualities. Otherwise, she may pursue no interest at all.
Case in point, if you check out the most popular dating sites regularly, you will find the same beautiful women who remain active on a daily basis, seemingly for months on end, without ever finding their "compatible" match, most likely not even a single date.
Therefore, I doubt on-line dating is a worthwhile venue for most men, unless they aim low. There is no way that men can effectively convey their status, sense of humor, or significant chemistry here, no matter how interesting, well versed, or presentable. Care to counter that argument?
Otherwise, keep up the good work!
Neil G.
JA: Thanks for the email, Neil. Are you a college professor? You sure write like one, and it is a bit confusing. I recommend picking up a copy of Claude Hopkins "Scientific Advertising/My Life in Advertising." Hopkins was one of the world's greatest copywriters, and made a lot of people a lot of money with his ability to put words on paper that got people to buy. His greatest piece of advice about writing was this: "Use simple words. They layman will understand you, as will the college professor." Great advice--when you confuse or bore people, they instantly tune you out.
On to your question about online dating. Actually, the opposite of what you have to say is true. When someone sees an ad about you, and decides to respond they are conferring authority on you--they have expressed interest, and are eagerly awaiting your response. They also assume they are competing with others for your attention (and if you've written a good profile, they will be), so you have, authority, social proof and scarcity in your favor. They've made a small commitment towards viewing you as attractive, and will now act consistent with it- -in their mind, you are already an attractive man... after all, a woman would never respond to a man she considers unattractive.
If you're not familiar with the terms "social proof," "scarcity," and "commitment and consistency," then I highly recommend you read Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini. It'll give you a keen understanding of how persuasion and influence works, and why a woman responding to your profile is so powerful.
Oh, and the reason you see so many women with profiles that stay up for months? They keep meeting losers, waldos, and creeps who repel women instead of attract them. If you think it's tough for guys to meet attractive women, it's a nightmare for women to meet attractive men. That's why you see the same profiles over and over.
The last thing I'll say is this. Don't spend too much time on theories, and what should work, and not work and why. Go out and take action in the real world, and you'll quickly learn what works and what doesn't. Then you can go back and figure out the why, and adjust and adapt from there. That's the best way I've found to get the results you want.
On with the fun...
-John Alanis
"The King of Let 'em Come to You"
PS The Ultimate Attraction Immersion Event is fast approaching--to make sure you don't miss out, go to http://www.johnalanis.com/event_reg.htm right now.