-S. Daniel, Real Estate Broker
Denver, CO
-J. Turner, Webmaster
Austin, TX
-Robert O., Marketing Consultant
Toronto, Canada
I had purchased your E-book a couple of months ago, and let me tell you, it's truly a God-send! What I love about your instructions is they are very open-ended in how one can implement your techniques. One doesn't have to worry about "Oh shit, am I doing what such and such page instructed me to do correctly?!" - it beautifully managed to conjure up a bigger, practical "what to do" picture by the time I was finished reading it that, frankly, I doubt few other e-books on the matter will be able to pull off in their readers' minds. Needless to say, my results with women have been pretty amazing! The "smile your way through" technique alone is incredibly effective. Definitely smacks of the good ol' "small hinges turn big doors" maxim, and does so beautifully! It amazing how it's small things like this most of us men take for granted, instead trying desperately to put up some fake Al Pacinoesque or Johnny Depp look to attract women (and for the record, two gorgeous ladies I know of like neither of these actors :)! Most importantly, what I REALLY appreciate about your ebook is that the methods you implement can cater for men coming from ALL backgrounds - whether they are your average "free spirited" schmoe in the street, or even religious, spiritually inclined types such as myself. You may find this funny, but to be perfectly honest, before purchasing your product, I went through some trepidation before buying it, thinking it was wholly based on "best ways to flirt with women" in bars and so on - a practice that's strongly shunned by the culture I was brought up in. But upon finishing your book, I realized there are some fundamental truths about male / female dynamics that NO one in their right state of mind can deny... and us "religious" freaks have this thing for "truism" :) haha Once again, thank you very much for this awesome e-book. Two more semesters, and I'll be done with college - so, no more tuition fees! Which means you'll be looking forward to having at least ONE person purchase your Deluxe offer from my neck of the woods ;)"
Sincerely,
Arman
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January 26, 2007
The truth about "helping others"
A few months ago we ran a survey in one of the businesses I consult for, trying to find out what their customers and prospects (who were interested in making money) wanted most. The results were rather remarkable.
A large number of the people who responded said they just wanted to "help people." The interesting thing was, most of them had indicated in a previous question that the were dead-butt broke, and had no resources and little knowledge. Yet, they wanted to help people.
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I hear the same thing on this list--a guy (who's unemployed, broke and going nowhere in life) meets a woman (usually a stripper or an escort) and wants to "help her" because she really is a "good person."
On the surface, the desire to "help" sounds noble, but when you dig a little deeper, you find that it can be a very dangerous concept. Why?
First off, to be in the position to truly help somebody you must be able to help yourself first. Most people I know who babble about wanting to help people have serious issues they need to overcome, and use their "wanting to help" as a reason to avoid dealing with these issues. The desire to "help" can actually be personally harmful if it is used to avoid self improvement.
The second reason is this: most people have no clue what it takes to truly help someone. Their idea of "help" is to give them something, whether it is money, time, or advice. Giving someone something without compensation on their part is a complete waste of time, and is an extremely selfish thing to do.
Selfish? Yes, selfish. Here's why: if you simply give someone something without asking for some form of compensation in return, it makes you feel good, makes you feel... superior. People love to talk about how many people they "helped" yet all they did was give away something to make themselves feel good.
See, when you give someone something without return compensation, there's no "commitment and consistency present." Because they didn't compensate you, there's no commitment on there part, and no reason for them to engage in new behavior. Commitment and consistency is a huge psychological lever (see Cialdini, "Influence: The Pyschology of Persuasion"), and it is the way you change beliefs. If you don't change someone's beliefs you can't truly help them because they'll keep doing the same old things and getting the same old results. Behavior is a result of beliefs.
That's why giving someone something uncompensated is so deadly--instead of changing old beliefs, it reinforces them, diminishing their self image because they took an unearned hand out. When you require compensation, they're requesting, they're earning the help, and when someone earns something it elevates their self image, and changes beliefs.
Here's an interesting thing: when you start telling people who want to "help" the truth about what it really takes to help people, they don't like it at all. They resist it. Why? One, because requesting compensation (and enforcing it) is hard work, even stressful work. Two, because it takes away their feeling of superiority--now their "help" has been reduced to an even exchange of value, and that's something that feels good... but not superior.
Starting a business and requiring compensation for your products and services is one of the best ways to truly help people, and the more you charge, the more you help them. Most of my success stories come from guys who have invested in several of my products and taken action, few come from guys who just get the free newsletter. Why? Commitment and consistency, coupled with a healthy self image on the part of the action takers.
The truth is, I didn't really "help" my most successful students--I just provided them good information in return for compensation, and their mindsets and self images did the rest. But, that's what "true help" is... creating the conditions to allow others to help themselves.
So, next time you feel the urge to "help" someone, stop and ask yourself if you're willing to do what it takes to truly help them, or are you just looking to feel good. When you master the art of truly helping others, based on their outcomes and results of what they compensated you for, that's when you know you've become a success.
On with the fun--
-John Alanis
The King of Let 'em Come to You
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