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January 26, 2007

Have you been lied to?

Did you know you've been lied to?

Yes, it's true. The media and popular culture have been lying to you about how to attract women, and the results are not pretty. They'd have you believe that being a caring, sensitive nice guy who never misses an opportunity to confess his feelings is the way to attract women--but if you've tried, you know it's a big, fat lie.

Luckily, there is a place where you can discover the real "lost secrets" to attracting women, a place the media and society are scared you'll find. It's located at http://www.johnalanis.com/ultimate_system.htm and you should go there right now before it's removed for good.

On with the fun,

-John Alanis
"The King of Let 'em Come to You"

PS Know the truth about succeeding with women, and set yourself free! To discover the real truth, go to
http://www.johnalanis.com/ultimate_system.htm right now

Posted by john at 04:17 PM

The truth about "helping others"

A few months ago we ran a survey in one of the businesses I consult for, trying to find out what their customers and prospects (who were interested in making money) wanted most. The results were rather remarkable.

A large number of the people who responded said they just wanted to "help people." The interesting thing was, most of them had indicated in a previous question that the were dead-butt broke, and had no resources and little knowledge. Yet, they wanted to help people.

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Do you even know the mistakes you make with women? If so, would you keep doing the same things and getting the same results? Or would you try something new and radically different? To stop dating, and start living, go to http://www.johnalanis.com/ultimate_system.htm before this site is removed.
**********************

I hear the same thing on this list--a guy (who's unemployed, broke and going nowhere in life) meets a woman (usually a stripper or an escort) and wants to "help her" because she really is a "good person."

On the surface, the desire to "help" sounds noble, but when you dig a little deeper, you find that it can be a very dangerous concept. Why?

First off, to be in the position to truly help somebody you must be able to help yourself first. Most people I know who babble about wanting to help people have serious issues they need to overcome, and use their "wanting to help" as a reason to avoid dealing with these issues. The desire to "help" can actually be personally harmful if it is used to avoid self improvement.

The second reason is this: most people have no clue what it takes to truly help someone. Their idea of "help" is to give them something, whether it is money, time, or advice. Giving someone something without compensation on their part is a complete waste of time, and is an extremely selfish thing to do.

Selfish? Yes, selfish. Here's why: if you simply give someone something without asking for some form of compensation in return, it makes you feel good, makes you feel... superior. People love to talk about how many people they "helped" yet all they did was give away something to make themselves feel good.

See, when you give someone something without return compensation, there's no "commitment and consistency present." Because they didn't compensate you, there's no commitment on there part, and no reason for them to engage in new behavior. Commitment and consistency is a huge psychological lever (see Cialdini, "Influence: The Pyschology of Persuasion"), and it is the way you change beliefs. If you don't change someone's beliefs you can't truly help them because they'll keep doing the same old things and getting the same old results. Behavior is a result of beliefs.

That's why giving someone something uncompensated is so deadly--instead of changing old beliefs, it reinforces them, diminishing their self image because they took an unearned hand out. When you require compensation, they're requesting, they're earning the help, and when someone earns something it elevates their self image, and changes beliefs.

Here's an interesting thing: when you start telling people who want to "help" the truth about what it really takes to help people, they don't like it at all. They resist it. Why? One, because requesting compensation (and enforcing it) is hard work, even stressful work. Two, because it takes away their feeling of superiority--now their "help" has been reduced to an even exchange of value, and that's something that feels good... but not superior.

Starting a business and requiring compensation for your products and services is one of the best ways to truly help people, and the more you charge, the more you help them. Most of my success stories come from guys who have invested in several of my products and taken action, few come from guys who just get the free newsletter. Why? Commitment and consistency, coupled with a healthy self image on the part of the action takers.

The truth is, I didn't really "help" my most successful students--I just provided them good information in return for compensation, and their mindsets and self images did the rest. But, that's what "true help" is... creating the conditions to allow others to help themselves.

So, next time you feel the urge to "help" someone, stop and ask yourself if you're willing to do what it takes to truly help them, or are you just looking to feel good. When you master the art of truly helping others, based on their outcomes and results of what they compensated you for, that's when you know you've become a success.

On with the fun--


-John Alanis
The King of Let 'em Come to You

PS Ready to step up to the Big Leagues and live a lifetime of power, choice and success with women? Then have a look at http://www.johnalanis.com/ultimate_system.htm right now.

Posted by john at 10:13 AM